Noctis, I will tell you the truth as bluntly as I possibly can, and you will either burst out laughing or think I have a fucking concussion.

I have spent the last year of my life either fighting against or manipulated by a television network that turned me human in the course of broadcasting an elaborate death game thinly disguised as five seasons of a scripted reality show to an entire universe. It's apparently popular in seven galaxies, or was until we got the executive producer arrested.