They're usually the same thing for me. I think. I mean, that's what other people say, anyway. [And he doesn't want to let other people down. He's a mess, but he's a mess who cares deeply about his family and doesn't want to worry them by getting hurt. The constraints are all in his mind when other people are around, a fear of being discovered not just for what might happen to him, but how disappointed his family would be.

Julian is not a rebel. He's not sure what he is, and therein lies the problem.]

I guess? It can't be as bad as me, whatever it is.